i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
