brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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