ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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