You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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