Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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