Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
