Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize