Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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