alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
