The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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