So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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