ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
