True but thats because hes a fetus.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
