Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
