i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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