im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's never too late to be topless.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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