Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
