ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
