Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
