Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
