I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
