I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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