that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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