I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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