I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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