Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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