You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
