Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize