how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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