Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
