Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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