There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
accomplished twins. life is a go
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
