are you so shy because you have an std?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
