I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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