Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
