half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
