I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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