So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
