WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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