Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
