She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he shaved USA in his pubs
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
