he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
His hands were made for my vagina.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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