you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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