6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
there is puke in my bra ... again
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