I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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