Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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