They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
