Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
