Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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