the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
