do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
