shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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