wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
