The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
