I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
