So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
