I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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