Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
