i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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