What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
