I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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