genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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