you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
