I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
