Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize